Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Morbid Memento?

A: I have been married for 17 years, and for all I know my husband has a photo of my sister in his wallet. Perhaps he has a photo of Lindsay Lohan. I cannot imagine pawing through his wallet trying to censor his photographs. A photo of your fiance?s late sister-in-law has a prominent place in his wallet and therefore by his hip, and now you can barely think about anything else. Even accounting for the heightened emotions some people experience during pregnancy, I can't understand why you care. Maybe if you had borrowed $20 from him and saw her photo you could have said, "I see that you keep a photo of Eliza in your wallet. You must have cared for her a lot." That way you would have had a chance to understand her place of honor. But you blew it by acting as if you were entitled to monitor this very private property. I'm assuming this sister-in-law died young. Maybe your fiance feels moved to honor her short life. Maybe, as it sounds you suspect, he had unusually strong feelings for her. So what? You're about to have this man's child, and you're spending all your emotional energy on your jealousy of a dead woman. You say this photo is creepy, but I find creepy and intrusive your demand that he display an ultrasound scan of your child. You're going to be a mother, and since you're engaged I'm presuming you don't want to be a single one. That means you need to be able to recognize what conflicts are necessary to address and distinguish those from irrational demands that will only make you impossible to live with. Your question shouldn't be about getting your fiance to remove the photo, but instead you should be asking yourself how you remove this obsession from your own mind.

Source: http://feeds.slate.com/click.phdo?i=9bac5d24a7a574254d92c04f3f0cb540

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