Posted by SaferDates on September 5, 2011 ? Leave a Comment?
Based on a true story of emotional abuse.
Rachel just turned 18 when she met Jason. She was fresh out of High School, finally an adult, and preparing to go away to College. Jason was 2 years older than her and worked full-time. He attended a local Community College part-time and was doing well balancing both school and work. He was the total opposite of her last boyfriend. In addition to being tall, dark and handsome, Jason was outgoing, decisive and confident?or so she thought.
Blinded by love, Rachel couldn?t see the reality of the situation. She didn?t think anything was wrong with Jason wanting her to be at his house by the time he came home from work every day, or his telling her what she could and couldn?t wear. She didn?t miss going out with her friends because he needed her and she didn?t want to disappoint him. Although a little creepy, she didn?t even have a problem turning her computer on at night so he can see she was at home sleeping.
Rachel was happy and very close with her family. They went on family vacations at least twice a year together. And even though her friends were always invited to the family parties, holidays were always spent with family. So when everyone began to notice she was becoming unhappy and withdrawn, to the point of hibernating in her room instead of joining them, they started to worry. Instead of seeing Jason as outgoing, decisive and confident, they all saw him as aggressive, controlling and obnoxious. When her family and friends tried to talk to her about it she withdrew from them even more. Rachel was becoming someone they didn?t recognize and although she professed to be happy, she wasn?t. Then the bombshell, Jason expressed reservations about her going to College even though she would only be about an hour away, he didn?t want her to go.
Unfortunately people like Rachel, in unhealthy relationships, suffer constant stress and anxiety, which can compromise their health, erode their self-esteem, make them feel helpless and alone, and undermine the way they function in school and at work. According to The Center For Relationship Abuse Awareness, ?Relationship Abuse is defined as a pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors used to maintain power and control over a former or current intimate partner. An abusive relationship means more than being hit by the person who claims to love or care about you. Abuse can be emotional, psychological, financial, sexual or physical and can include threats, isolation, and intimidation. Abuse tends to escalate over time. When someone uses abuse and violence against a partner, it is always part of a larger pattern to try to control her/him.?
If you feel the relationship you are in may be abusive, the first thing you need to do is to acknowledge it. Abusive relationships don?t start out that way. They usually start out on a high note, and gradually become abusive. By answering the questions below in the ?How Healthy is Your Relationship? quiz courtesy of Linfield College, you may be able to recognize a potentially abusive situation before it gets worse. Talk to your family and friends. Usually they are the first to notice the problem anyway and, like in Rachel?s case, have? already voiced their concerns. If you are a student and away at College you can also seek help by going to your University?s counseling center. Most importantly make sure to maintain outside relationships because it?s imperative that you?re not alone. Do not allow anyone to isolate you. We all need a good support system and no one has the right to take that away from you.
If you know of someone in an abusive relationship and you want to help them speak up. Tell them what you see going on because of their relationship and then listen with compassion. Don?t be judgmental or they will tune you right out. Discuss a safety plan if they ever feel they need it. Help them to disconnect and move away from the abuser. Talk to them about healthy intimate relationships. Pick up a few self-help books to read together. By knowing they are not alone, the victim is more likely to view their relationship more realistically and empower them to break away. Finally, suggest they seek professional help so they can learn to make safer choices in the future.
How healthy is Your Relationship?
1.???? Does this person accept that you have other friends?
(A. Yes B. No)
2.???? Does this person ask for your opinion about issues that affect you?
(A. Yes B. No)
3.???? Does this person have good relationships with his or her family and friends?
(A. Yes B. No)
4.???? Does this person talk AND listen to you?
(A.? Yes B. No)
5.???? Would you consider this person a friend?
(A. Yes B. No)
6.???? Do you ?act like yourself? when you are with this person?
(A. Yes B. No)
7.???? Does this person have other interests besides you?
(A. Yes B. No)
8.???? Does this person expect you to say where you have been when you?ve been apart?
(A. No B. Yes)
9.???? Does this person lose his or her temper easily?
(A. No B. Yes)
10.?? Does this person get angry or hurt and/or claim that you don?t pay attention to him or her?
(A. No B. Yes)
11.?? Have you ever seen this person throw, hit or break things when angry?
(A. No B. Yes)
12.?? Is this person jealous of the time you spend with your friends and relatives?
(A. No B. Yes)
13.?? Does this person seem to have control issues?
(A. No B. Yes)
Count and total each ?A? and ?B.?? Use the key below to gauge how healthy your relationship is:
13-11 A?s = you seem to have a healthy relationship,
10-8 A?s = your relationship is showing moderate signs of abusiveness,
7-5 A?s = Please seek help, you are very likely in an abusive or potentially abusive relationship.
Related Links:
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1-800-799- SAFE
Help in Your Area
5 College Campus Safety Tips
Encouragements for the Emotionally Abused Woman: Wisdom and Hope for Women at Any Stage of Emotional Abuse Recovery
Filed under News, Safety Tips, relationships ? Tagged with abusive boyfriend, abusive relationship, college relationship, controlling relationship, emotional abuse, emotional abuse story, relationship abuse, relationship abuse awareness, safety plan, unhealthy abusive relationship, unhealthy relationship help, what is emotional abuse
Source: http://www.saferdates.com/2011/09/05/signs-of-an-unhealthy-relationship/
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